About Me

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Watkinsville, Georgia, United States
We lost my beautiful wife of 20 years on 9/12/07. Lisa was my world she was my everything and now she is gone. We are learning to live without Lisa now. I say we because I am not alone. My children are stuck in this mess with me. These are my notes, my vent, my way of letting you all know that we are doing well (some days). This is for myself, my friends and my family that want to know how we are doing and what we are up to. Along the way I hope this might also help someone else who has been dealt a similar hand.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Pets Too

In the days that have covered just the past week I have seen much loss.

A co-worker that lost his long time Step-Father
A long time friend that lost her Mother.
A co-worker that lost his Father In Law.
A co-worker of Lisa’s who lost her Mother.
A sweet young friend that just today had to euthanize her childhood pet.

Be it a Wife, Mother, Friend or family pet, grief and loss sucks.  My young friend, whom seems intelligent beyond her age very wisely stated, “life is hard and death is a part of it”.

While that may be true, life can also be grand.  It can be amusing, exciting, spontaneous and filled with wonderful people that you love and love you.  It’s really hard to see it that way sometimes when you are wrapped in grief and loss.  It’s there even if you have to dig deep to find it.  And sometimes just when you think you have the hang of it, you don’t. 

So, for me tonight, I think the important thing is to enjoy those around you.  Drink them up and keep them close.  See them often and go out of your way to do so.  Kiss your wife with passion, hold your children close and be sure to scratch that pet behind the ear when you walk past them. 

That is, of course, unless your family pet is a python or a tarantula. Yuck!!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Almost Complete

Well I finally have a completed project!  Well almost completed…  I still need to get the plants in but my old mulch path is gone.  The landscaper started work last Thursday and finished up yesterday.  I am very happy with the results.

It’s a tumbled paver with and a stacked stone wall.  I think it makes the place look a lot better and will cut down on the amount of mess that gets tracked into the house.  It was worth the wait…

The weather finally cleared up this morning and the rain has moved on.  I have plenty to do but I think I’ll go out and sit on my stone wall with one more cup of coffee first.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Loose Ends

There is something that I have been struggling with the last few days. It’s just another one of those horribly difficult decisions that has to be made and its pretty much up to me and me alone to see that it gets taken care of. I did talk to Abby just a little about it. I just wanted to be sure that she knew I was trying to process it and figure it all out. I didn’t do a very good job and couldn’t even finish the conversation due to just falling apart midway through our talk. None the less, she was a trooper and just told me to do whatever I thought was best.

Here’s the thing… Both Lisa and I were always of the same school of thought on most everything. We agreed on most everything right up to and including what to do if anything ever happened to one of us. I knew her wish was to be cremated. She mentioned that on a number of occasions and we both wanted the same thing. However, the only problem is we just didn’t think it far enough out. We didn’t take it to the next level and we forgot that there is a beautiful little pile of ashes left over and you have to be prepared to do something with those ashes. We never thought it through to that point and as a result I have no idea what to do.

Now the wonderful folks at the funeral home will give you some options. Sure, they will offer to “take care” of the ashes for you. I have no idea what their idea of “take care” of them is and I don’t think I want to know. I just knew that was not an option for me at the time. Another option is, of course, to have the ashes put into some kind of container as temporary or even permanent storage.

When the decision had to be made I was still not even close to being in my right mind. So I did the only thing I could think of and told them to put the ashes into a nice wooden container for me. It’s a very simple wooden box that has a couple of butterflies carved onto the front along with her dates of birth and death. She just loved butterflies… The container is designed for easy access so that one can dispense the ashes when ready.

While I don’t think that I will ever actually be “ready” I do know that I need to figure something out. As much as I loved her, I just don’t think that I want to have that beautiful little wooden box sitting on my dresser for the rest of my life.

So, I suppose I will just have to continue to pray about this one until I can figure it out.  Maybe if I can work through this one, I can find the strength to work though a few other loose ends that I have been dreading.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Back To Reality

Two days in the mountains, two days at home and two days in LA (Lower Alabama) and spring break is over.  It’s hard to believe that the week has already passed.

After a couple of days at home we took off for my parents place near Dothan, Alabama.  It has been far too long since I had made the trip to LA.  I’m glad that we took the time to go.  My Brother and his family joined us so we had a full house.  While it’s good to be with the family, try as I may, I still feel like an oddity among a large group of people.  There is a big part of me missing and I feel it in particular, for some reason, when I am around the family.

It’s good to be back home and I am looking forward to sleeping in my own bed.  I think the best part is coming home to a clean house. One of the smartest things I’ve done in a while is hiring a part-time housekeeper.  It has taken a good bit of stress off of me and given me time to focus on more important things.  I should have done it a long time ago.  I have to swallow a whole lot of pride to say this but I suppose Jamie was right after all.

We hit the road early this morning and returned home early enough to get some chores done and still have dinner with “Baby Girl”.

Tomorrow it’s back to work and school for the Anderson boys.  The alarm clock will ring far too early tomorrow…

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Trout Fishing Part 2

Trout fishing was a great way to spend a couple of days of vacation/spring break.  We spent two nights in Dillard, Georgia in a great little house that my friends Keith and Becky were nice enough to let us use.  My buddy Mike and his family joined us, which was a blessing.  After all, it would have been a bit too quiet with just me and Matt in that house. 

Dillard is just south of North Carolina and we only had a fifteen-minute drive to the Chattahoochee National Forest.  Mike knew the territory and was able to guide us to all the good fishing holes.  Most of the good spots were a very short walk from the truck.  However, one or two of the spots were back in the woods a bit.  I suppose the best spots are the ones that nobody else is willing to hike to.  Some of the trails were more suited for a mountain goat rather than a couple of big guys like us.  The boys did great and seemed to be just as happy to be out in the woods as the men.  Heck what boy doesn’t love to be out in the middle of a stream with a rod?  The fish were biting, the weather was great and the company was even better.

Matt caught the most fish and if you look closely at the picture you will see he decided to take one home in his shirt pocket.  That didn’t last long once the sun hit it and it started to smell more like a dead animal in his pocket.

I don’t think that I will ever get used to the idea of being on vacation and not having Lisa with me.  It’s great to have the time off with Matt but it will never be the same without her.

Since getting back yesterday I’ve pounded away at a list of things that needed my attention.  Not the least of which was getting the garden planted.  If the pounding rain didn’t wash away all my seed I’ll be in good shape.  I’m looking forward to the corn, green beans, lettuce, radishes, okra, tomatoes and peppers of all sorts.

It’s good to be home but I’m already looking forward to the next fishing trip.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Trout Fishing Part 1

I dont have time for a posting but couldn't wait to put up some pictures from our fishing trip.  We just got back in and I need to get a number of things completed this afternoon.  Since we now have high speed internet instead of kinda high speed satellite internet I can post pictures without it taking an hour.

Whats a fishing trip without a little Black Jack!

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Peking Duck

Life without Lisa continues to throw me curve balls and I continue to swing away like a rookie trying to hit a grand slam.
Once again I didn’t do such a good job of planning and at the last minute I realized that I should have planned a big Easter dinner.  I don’t know what I was thinking.  Everyone we know had plans to have dinner with family and I had NO plan.  I knew we were all going to church but Easter dinner never occurred to me.  After church the kids looked at me and asked what our dinner plans were.  I just looked at Abby and said, “I got nothing”…
Abby thought about it for all of two seconds and said, “How bout Peking Duck”?  Now that’s a bit of an inside joke.  It refers to the movie A Christmas Story.  It’s one of those movies that come on every year around the holidays.  We watch it every year at least once.  In the movie, Ralphie and his family go out for a Christmas dinner at a Chinese restaurant and order the Peking Duck.  I suppose you may have to see the movie to really understand why it’s funny.
Anyhow, that’s where we wound up for Easter dinner, at a local Chinese restaurant.  The place was about empty and we had a whole section of the restaurant to ourselves.  I felt kind of bad about it but we had a good time.  It was just the three of us laughing and joking and having a good time just being a family.  We reminisced and recalled scenes from the movie. 
I suppose the only down side was that stupid empty chair at the table.  I imagine that most people don’t think twice about that empty chair. I hate that empty chair, however.
Easter is behind us and we are on spring break this week.  I have a lot I need to pack into the week but I’m going to try and relax some too.  I’m kicking things off starting tomorrow. I’m loading up my truck for a trip to the mountains for some trout fishing with Matt and some good friends.  I can’t wait to get in the river and wet a line.  And I can’t think of a better way to unwind and relax…