What I thought was going to be a somewhat depressing summer is turning into just the opposite. I must admit that I was not expecting such a positive and uplifting frame of mind as I prepared for my first summer alone. I thought for sure, with Matt’s departure at the beginning of the summer, I was going to struggle and be alone far more than I would want. However, I have found that to not be true.
I am enjoying my alone time but still spending much time with friends. I am very much enjoying my new freedom and independence. I find comfort and am very much at peace with my quiet time alone. Not that there is much of that though. It seems as though I have filled my schedule with dinners, time for friends and a whole lot of exercise. Possibly to the point that I almost wish I did have more “down time”.
However, it’s all up to me… If I chose to change it, then I can… That is, in some way, very encouraging and uplifting for me. I’m not so sure I know why, but I am sure that I like it.
All that said, there is still much to be missed in lacking companionship. In particular, close and intimate companionship. Again, though, I have faith and concede that when it’s time that will happen. God is in control, I have left that up to him… I will, however, also continue to hope that he acts expeditiously on my behalf!
In the mean time, I will continue to enjoy the new and still being re-defined ME. Living my Life (not necessarily) Without Lisa but maybe just rising above that… Because, you see, it IS possible to still miss her beyond belief while still managing to enjoy life and living in a new or different way….
It is my hope that this, in some way, gives others some encouragement and belief that they too can rise above their loss. Of course, if you’ve been coming here for very long, you know this is not a fast process and that it takes time. Sometimes, more time than we would like it to… We must just keep breathing and putting one foot in front of the other. As we do this, things become clearer (most days) and the water under the bridge seems to flow a bit easier.
I’m off to Camp Rainbow next week so wish me luck! I am excited about having the chance to participate in this wonderful event. I just hope that I can keep up with all the other (much younger) staffers and the kids. Maybe I should start taking some Advil and vitamins now…!