Beignet Breakfast

I decided to wrap up spring break with a treat for the kids.  They have been begging me to make Beignets for weeks now.  I have been reluctant and have been putting it off for as long as I can due to the huge mess that I wind up making in their production.  I finally gave in this morning and made a double batch.

Lisa and I discovered Beignets a long time ago, before we had the kids.  We had taken a trip to the gulf coast and found a little breakfast place that served them along with very strong chicory coffee.  We fell in love with the little treats and visited the tiny hole in the wall restaurant for many years to come.  That was the only place we could ever find them.

I learned how to make them, some years later, and the kids fell in love with them also.  While I don’t mind making them I do hate cleaning up the mess.  The deal was that if I made them, Lisa agreed to clean up behind me.  Of course, now I get to deal with the cooking and the cleaning.  It’s funny how something as simple as a food brings back memories.  Beignets are like that for me…  They bring back memories, many happy memories.  I’ll have to make them again soon…

It’s been a good week with lots of naps and down time.  I’ve enjoyed my time with the kids.  My batteries are recharged and I’m good till my next break.

Lizard Boy

One of the things that I’ve really tried to get across to my kids is that we can’t blame any of our problems on Mom.  We can’t use her death as an excuse to fail at something or blame loosing her for our own failures or mistakes.  In other words, if you screw up you just screwed up, end of story.  We also make our own destiny and what we decide for our futures is up to us.

Granted, God has a plan and we don’t know what that plan is but he still gives us the free will to make a future or curl up in a ball and cry woe is me… Yeah, I know that’s all easy to say but a little harder to do.  In fact, I’m pretty bad at following my own wonderful advise.  However, I do try.

Matt being accepted to GHP and the news that he will be gone for most of the summer has made me once again start thinking about the future.  I once again see our lives changing and all three of us moving toward a yet another chapter in our lives.  I continue to remain positive and look forward to these changes.  I continue to feel myself healing and getting stronger again.

I still don’t know where life is taking me.  I still don’t have a master plan.  I do know that I am moving forward.  I do know that I want a life beyond yesterday.  A new life that will once again be filled with comfort, joy and love.  There is much I miss with my old life but I think that’s what I miss the most.

We spent our last morning of fishing on the most beautiful stretch of river I have ever been on.  The stream was narrow, only about thirty feet wide in most spots.  However, it had many deep holes with soft rapids and plenty of fish.  The river was dappled with sunlight from over hanging branches of flowering dogwoods, hickory and oaks.  When I was finished and worked my way back up the stream I found Matt asleep on the bank sunning himself like a lizard.  I guess he had his fill of fresh air and fishing.  I couldn’t think of a better place to fall asleep…

We’re back home and Matt took off early today for a morning of turkey hunting with our buddy JC.  Hopefully he won’t fall asleep with a loaded gun in his lap.  As for me, I have chores to catch up on and I’m not getting them done here at my laptop.

Tractors, Guns & Fishing Rods

Three days into spring break and the weather has been just fantastic.  I have succeeded in playing a bit more than I have worked this weekend.  I feel my batteries recharging and am reaping the benefit of more than five to six hours of sleep each night.  In fact, I have surprised myself in that I have not been automatically waking up at four or five each morning.

I had something good happen on Friday...  My housekeeper, Janet, returned after about a three month hiatus.  While I don’t mind housekeeping Janet had spoiled me rotten.  Not to mention, I think she tends to do a better job of cleaning than I do.  I think that might be because I attack it with the mind set that I want to finish it as fast as I can so I can move on to the next task.  And, of course, while I don’t mind it I really don’t like it much.  Anyhow, I was thrilled to have her back and very happy to have the extra help.  In particular, considering its grass cutting season and the outside chores and projects are starting to pile up.

It’s been nice to spend some down time with the kids.  Abby’s road-race on Friday night and shooting clays with Matt and his buddies.  Matt and I did take some time today to get a little work completed down at the barn.  I jumped on the big tractor and dragged the riding rink to knock down the weeds and Matt jumped on the mower and cut the grass.

Tomorrow we hit the river for a couple of days fishing.  I can’t wait to get out there and snag a few trout.  Who knows, maybe we’ll have a pan full of fish about this time tomorrow.  Maybe I’ll take a few pictures to share with you…

Running On Empty

I tend to march through the year in sections or better yet in semesters.  A week off during the summer holds me until winter break and so forth.  I tend to find that as the next break is coming up my batteries run down.  They’re running really low at this point as can seen in my lack of writing here lately. 

If I hold my breath I think I can make one more week.  One more week until spring break for Matt and a weeks vacation for me.  It’s amazing what a week off will do for me however.  A whole week of eight or more hours of sleep each night.  A week filled with trout fishing, down time, naps and no corporate structure. While I hope for good weather I could care less.  I would fish in the rain at this point.

Can you tell I’m ready for a little time off?

We received exciting news on Friday.  The finalist list for the Georgia Governors’ Honors program was posted on Friday at 4:00.  I received a text message from Matt at 4:15 that he had been awarded a slot to attend the prestigious four-week program at Valdosta State University.  In fact not only did Matt make the final cut but his best bud William also had been selected.  This is a huge honor for both of them and will be a great highlight on any college application.  I am very proud and happy for both of them.  It’s starting to sound like it’s going to be a very quiet summer around here…

That’s okay though as I am continuing to redefine myself and live my life rather than merely live my Life Without Lisa…

Shopping That Doesn't Suck

only have so much to give…

I have a full time job and can only take a finite amount of time off from work.  So, I do as I always have and save my vacation time for family time.  Of course, these days that means I save my vacation for when my son is out of school.  With spring break coming up soon I let the kids know that I would be on vacation that week.  I think that Abby had a little trouble understanding the fact that I couldn’t take a week off for her spring break AND take a full week off for Matt’s spring break, which is several weeks later.  How I explained this to her was that she’s basically grown and I’m still raising Matt.  While I think she got that I don’t think that she liked it.  Heck, I wouldn’t have liked it either…  So, I burned a day of my highly valued vacation and surprised her with a day of shopping today.  I must say we had a pretty good time.  We were both in a good mood and anxiety free.  We found some pretty good deals, which made me happy, and we found some really cute stuff, which made her happy.

I think she gets that I only have so much that I can give.  She just wants her share and then some if she can wrangle it.  Again, I don’t blame her, I would too.  After all, she’s been through hell just as much if not more so than me.  So what the heck… A day of shopping and lunch with “Baby Girl” wont be available to me forever.  Not to mention, when you think you only have so much to give, if you will just dig a little deeper or think a little harder you usually find you DO have a little more to give.

I have finally finished turning my detached three-car garage into a shop and storage area.  Two of the bays are now dedicated to woodworking and projects of all kinds.  The third bay is dedicated to storage with one third of it turned into a badly needed “seasonal closet”.  I put the finishing touches on it this past weekend with five big shelves for tub storage and on the other side an area to hang clothes and such (note the handy before and after pictures).  We can finally get all those tubs of off season clothes, boxes of Christmas ornaments, camping and fishing gear and other things out of the barn.  It’s good to have this project being me.  At times I thought that I would never finish it.  This project has been moving at a snails pace for about a year and a half now.  I just gave it what I could when I could.  I would do a little wiring here and spread a little drywall mud there.  Sometimes I could devote days to it and sometimes I could only devote an hour or two to it.  My perseverance has paid off and I have accomplished what I envisioned and set out to do. I guess all I had to do was keep digging to find that I did have enough to get it done. 


BEFORE                                                                       AFTER

A Boy and His Cow

I have to say, I really didn’t expect Matt to walk in the door from the livestock show with tears in his eyes.  I knew he had grown attached to Pancake, his calf, but this took me a bit by surprise.

The moment the door opened I could tell something was wrong.  His eyes were swollen and red.  I was immediately concerned and asked him what was wrong.  All he could mutter before he broke into tears was “I miss my cow”. 

At first, I wasn’t sure if I was going to laugh or tear up myself.  Of course, I wound up in tears along with him.  Who could blame him though?  That little calf had a sweet disposition and every time he went to the barn to feed her she ran to him like a big black and white puppy.  Heck I’m going to miss her myself.  I felt so bad for the boy I even offered to buy her from the dairy that had loaned her to us.  Matt declined stating that she was where she needed to be.  Besides, we might even get lucky and get her back in October.

As for the livestock show, Matt didn’t place in showmanship but he did place 6^th in state for his weight class.  Not too bad considering this is the very first time he has been in a livestock show.  He’s learned a lot and is already looking forward to trying it again.

I have to say; I think that has been a great experience for him.  What a great way for a kid to learn discipline and responsibility.  At first I was concerned that I would be the one who would wind up taking care of Pancake.  You know how it is, a kid will make all the promises in the world to get a new pet and then the parents are the ones who wind up caring for the new pet.  Matt really was true to his word on the calf project however.  He bottle fed her, cleaned her stall, trained her and overall did a great job.

Sure it was a bit tough to giver her up but I tend to think that he has gained an experience that most kids never get.

And I dare you to tell me these kids don't love their cows!

Stuffed Shells

It’s time for the livestock show and Matt takes off for Perry, Georgia tomorrow after school with his calf Pancake in tow.  He won’t be back home until Saturday evening so I thought I would cook him a good home cooked meal.  Considering he will probably eat his weight in junk food over the next few days I thought it was a good idea.  I told him it was his choice.  “Whatever you want”, I said.

Me and my big mouth… 

He decided that he would really like some stuffed shells like mom used to make, as he put it.  After I choked back my desire to convince him that he might like something else, I simply said, “Great, but I can’t promise you they’ll be like mom’s”.  He said that was okay since I was a pretty good cook he figured they might even be better.  I took that as a challenge…

Of course, I had no idea how to make stuffed shells.  That’s what Google is for though.  And how hard could it be, right?  I found what looked to be a good recipe and during lunch stopped by the grocery store to pick up everything.

Coming home with all the required ingredients, I dove right into it.  It wasn’t that difficult but did have several steps and took a couple of hours.  It took me until nearly 7:00 to even get it in the oven.  That might not sound like late to most folk but I usually like to have dinner on the table by at least 6:00.  Anyhow, I tossed it in the oven after snapping the attached picture and threw together a Caesar Salad.

It turned out really good.  Matt said that it was the best meal we have had all year and that they were better than mom’s stuffed shells.  I must admit that they were pretty good.  The best part to me, however, was the fact that I had another whole 9 X 13 dish full of them that I am putting into the freezer to pull out for another meal in a couple of weeks.  That really makes it worth all the work.

It’s going to be awfully quiet around here the next few days.

Milk Run

I had just about forgotten that tomorrow is Valentines day till I walked into the grocery store tonight.

If I had just not ran out of milk...

Super Sunday

No I’m NOT talking football.

Anyone who’s been reading this long enough or knows me personally knows that I don’t watch sports.  In particular, I don’t watch football.  I’ve never understood the pre occupation with sports and being able to regurgitate useless sports trivia.  I don’t think I will ever find enjoyment in watching a bunch of overpaid morally challenged thugs run up and down a court or field.  And before you say anything, yes I know that they are not all thugs and that some of them are pretty good men.  Be that as it may, I can find any number of things that I would rather spend my time on.

No, I’m talking about the pure and simple fact that it’s just been a super Sunday.  Actually it’s been a pretty dang good week.

I wrapped up the week spending the entire day with Matt and William at the University of Georgia.  They were both nominated for the Georgia Governors Honor program that will be held at Valdosta State University this summer.  They both made it to the state finals selection and had the final interview yesterday.  On Friday, we attended an all day event for all the state finalists that UGA held.  It was more of a recruitment exercise for UGA but the boys got a really good idea of what the college has to offer.  While the non-stop recruitment got a bit old, the overall experience was very informative and I think both of the boys have a new interest in attending UGA.

Hopefully both the boys did well with the final interviews and make the final selection.  They wont be announcing the results for some time.  The Georgia General Assembly has to approve the funding for the program on an annual basis and they wont do that for a couple of months.  Both the boys have a backup plan just in case. 

UGA has the Young Scholars Internship that they have both applied for as a backup.  I almost hope they get into that program instead.  It’s a paid internship (which is always good) and they would get to spend the summer at UGA working in the field with a research scientist for the entire summer.  They would be paired with a researcher that is doing work in an area that they have interest in.

As for today, I suppose its been super for a couple of reasons.  The day started out a bit tenuous but wound up getting better.  I was experiencing a good bit of anxiety this morning and it was a bit of work to fight it off.  Then all of a sudden this afternoon I had a clam come over me.  I felt so calm and easy it made me actually smile.  Maybe it was the music I was listening to.  Maybe it was the wonderful weather we had today.  Maybe it was something I ate.  I don’t know what it was but I sure enjoyed it.  It sure beats feelings on the other end of the spectrum that I wind up toiling with so often.  I’m still amazed at the emotional swings that I still experience. 

I don’t know why I appreciate feeling good so much, but I do.  Maybe it’s due to the fact that I’ve experienced feeling so bad for so long. 

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, it sure feels good to feel good.

In Case You're Wondering

A friend recently asked me a question.  They were wondering if I had maybe in some way elevated Lisa in my mind and maybe consciously or even sub-consciously forgotten bad memories.  The exact question was this…

I have always wanted to ask.  I have never heard a negative comment about Lisa come from your mouth. Is that a conscious decision? I know her goodness was so large.  Even I know that from the little time I knew her personally. Over time did the bad memories get over come by the grief? Every couple has their area of conflict. Just wondering...

My response was…

As for speaking negatively, I didn’t do it when she was alive and I certainly don’t have a reason to do it now.  We both had a rather low opinion of people that would speak ill of their spouse.  Even in jest, we found it to be rather childish and inconsiderate.  She, as far as I know, never spoke ill of me and I basically never spoke ill of her.  In fact, more often than not, we would tend to brag about each other more often then we probably should have.  I would say we tended to build each other up rather than tear each other down.  I was and still am extremely proud of her.  I was proud of her hard work, her unwavering standards, her success, accomplishments and high level of ethics.  I can also tell you I told her that often.  I can also tell you that she told me the same on a regular basis.

Of course we had our disagreements and issues, more than some and not as many as others.  She drove me slap up the wall from time to time.  But I also know, I had the ability to drive her nuts every now and then also.  However, we never aired our grievances in public or with other people.  We worked our problems out with each other.  I suppose we loved each other a whole lot more than we drove each other nuts.

NO the grief has not erased any bad memories.  I don’t think that I really have any “bad memories” of our time together.  We had the occasional argument and I still remember some of them.  However, there was nothing to warrant me calling it a “bad memory”.  Heck, I can remember us, after the fact, having a pretty good laugh about an argument or two from time to time.  We didn’t have any huge issues or secrets.  What your see is pretty much what it was… It was awesome…

I'll tell you a story – When we were moving into the farm house, Lisa was pretty upset about moving.  She was a mess and a bundle of emotions.  She cried more than once about leaving the Mallard house.  Anyhow, on closing/moving day I was pretty much a mess too.  The stress of the house sale/purchase along with my shoulder injury (I was still in an arm sling on moving day) had just about broke me physiologically.  I was just about in tears when Abby found me out in that nasty garage and asked me what was wrong.  I told her I was worried about Mom.  I told her I was worried that Mom was unhappy and all I wanted was for her to be happy.  I told her how much I loved her Mom and that I was just worried about her happiness.  Abby could tell that I was pretty upset.  Later that night, Lisa told me something.  She said that Abby came to her during the day and said “Daddy sure does love you a lot”.  She then told Lisa about how upset I was earlier that day.  She told me she loved me and that everything would work out, just like she did so many times before.

Like I said, what you see is pretty much what it was…

So now you all know my answer to this.  Just in case you too were wondering…