The grass has been cut, all the laundry has been done, house has been cleaned, the truck has a full tank of gas, arraignments for the animals have been made, all I have left is to pack for myself. My anxiety has been peaking all day. I have had to make a concerted effort to keep it in check. All day long I have found myself having to work at it. My heart has felt like it wants to jump out of my chest. Now that I have almost everything taken care of it seems to be tapering off. I have been going strong since 7:00 this morning trying to get everything taken care of before we take off in the morning.
While I am very much looking forward to some pool time with the kids and eating something other than my cooking, I am nervous about my first family vacation without Lisa. Sure we took the cruise last summer but I was still numb and my brain was still mush at that time. I was just trying to get through each day at that point without a public melt down. I hope this trip will be an enjoyable one. I am keeping my expectation low and I am going to just try do enjoy the kids. While I do love my kids, I sure do miss regular daily adult interaction.
Historically, the first thing Lisa and I would do, upon arriving at the hotel, is sit in the lobby bar and have a tall gin and tonic. While we were never regular drinkers we always started our stay like this. We would let the kids take a run out to the pool and explore the hotel a bit while we enjoyed each others company and sipped a drink. Another part of that tradition was that I would enjoy a cigar. This is the only place that I smoked a stogie and Lisa actually enjoyed the smell of my singular cigar. I don't know too many women that like the smell of a good cigar but Lisa was one of them. I think I will grab one just for old times sake. Unfortunately I will have to enjoy it alone...
Have no fear I will be back soon. Too soon I am sure...
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