Guilt & Tennyson

I feel a little guilty about the fact that I am doing so much better emotionally these days. I know it’s nonsense to feel any guilt but I do… Yeah, I know Lisa would not want me to feel that way. However, for some strange reason I feel it. I suppose it’s a bit natural to feel this way but I also know I have nothing to feel guilty about. It’s been a long difficult road that I also know will never really end.

My friend Cindy has pointed this out to me on a couple of occasions but it has never really sunk in until now. It never will be completely over or gone. My love for Lisa was so strong that it has been etched into me to the point that I really will never be able to feel the same way about anyone else. I am beginning to be okay with that because I don’t want to feel that way about anyone else. That part of me was for Lisa and it will always belong to her. I am also okay with that because I see so many others around me that never have and probably never will have the opportunity to feel the same way. I count myself one of the luckiest men in the world to have been given such a wonderful gift.

As Tennyson put it, “ It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all ”… I understand that much better these days. It is better that I was blessed to have her for the time that I did, rather than to never have had her at all. For that I am eternally grateful. She forever changed me, made me better and enabled me to experience what many will never have. A deep and enduring love. The key word there is enduring, for Cindy is right, it will never go away… It will always be there… And that’s okay…