Thanksgiving

The holidays are always the most difficult days of the year and Thanksgiving is one of the hardest of the holidays for me. Our first Thanksgiving without Lisa was only about two months after the accident and I was a basket case. In thinking about it this morning, I realize how far we have come since that first Thanksgiving. I still desperately miss her and a day doesn't go by that I don't think about her. However, I don't become overwhelmed with sadness when I think about her anymore. When I walk past a picture of her I get a big smile on my face. It feels good to be able to do that. This Thanksgiving feels so much better than that one two years ago.

I even made the decision to stay put this year. We have traveled the last two years mostly because I was running away from the depression of being here without her. I just wanted to stay home this year and get some work done. I don't get a lot of time off so I thought this would be a good chance to get a few things done. I was going to cook the entire dinner myself but caved in at the last minute. I decided we would have our dinner with Roy & Diane. I did, however, cook two blueberry pies and a sweet potato soufflé. Matt had requested both dishes and I did not want him to be disappointed.

While this year is better than the last couple it's still, non the less, strange and unnatural to be without her. There is that huge empty spot in my heart and life. Its hard to explain... I am hoping that one day Thanksgiving will not feel so empty. I know it will never be the same as in the past but I do hope that it wont feel so unfamiliar and hollow.

For now, I just thank God for what I have and try not to dwell on what I don't have.