Don't Stop

The best advice I can give anyone who has lost a loved one is to get moving and keep moving. My Pastor Tony always says, if you are going through hell, DON’T STOP!

So, I say keep moving. Get up and do what you need to do. Grab hold of what is left of your life and don’t stop. Try to get back to a normal or as normal as possible routine. Go to school, go to work do whatever it was that you were doing when your world came crashing in on you. I have found that grief is a very strong drug. It is one of those drugs that you become addicted to all to easily. It would have been easy for me to just curl up in a ball and forget that I had any obligations or responsibilities. I have never been one to take the easy road, however. This has proved to be the best thing for me to do. I must say, however, that if the kids had not been with me things might have taken a different turn. The kids are what forced me to get out of bed every day. The kids are what made me eat and breath. If I had not had the kids I don’t know what would have happened. I have heard stories of spouses grieving so badly that they soon followed the deseeded spouse. I now know how this could be possible.

If you allow it, grief can be debilitating. It can scar you for life. It has scared me. I am not the same man I was a year and a half ago. I now know that I will never be the same. I am finally starting to come to grips with this. It has taken me a long time to finally start understanding that things have permanently changed. I am finally starting to feel a little bit more comfortable in my skin. I am starting to finally understand that I am going to survive this mess. I am finally starting to understand how traumatized I was. I am just now starting to feel like some sort of healing process is actually taking place. Instead of praying to get through the next hour, day or week, I am working through the months. It was truly hour to hour for me for a long time. So, for me to be at the point of making it through the month, it is a great accomplishment.

I don’t know if anyone other than Lisa will ever actually know the depth of my love for her. I don’t think I even realized just how much I loved her until I lost her. We were truly devoted to and enchanted with each other. I loved her so much it troubles me to put it into words. I was truly smitten. I would have given my very life for her.