This past Sunday was the three-year mark and today would have been our 22nd wedding anniversary. It makes me sad to think about it too much so I will not dwell.
While some might think that 3 years is a long time and maybe enough time… it is not. It still seems like yesterday and we are still working to overcome our loss.
We continue to deal with emotional swings that seem to come out of nowhere. They seem to creep out of the shadows when we least expect them. We try not to let it control us and we try not to let the calendar dictate how we feel but September continues to be a burdensome month. I felt strong coming into the month but September has reared its ugly head and is trying mightily to defeat me. I WILL NOT let it win… I continue to remain optimistic in that each September’s passing seems to be a bit less cruel than the last one. I think more than anything, if I could just come to a point where I thought that BOTH the kids were coping well and just not struggling I would be a pretty content human being. Sometimes I feel like I am driving a car that constantly has a flat tire on one of the four wheels. You stop and get one flat fixed only to drive a couple of miles to have yet another flat tire. I suppose as long as I keep my spare in good shape, we will be fine and continue our journey.
I’ve spent as much time as I could in my shop the last couple of weeks. I enjoy the work and it’s a good diversion and good therapy for me. The weather has been awesome and I have enjoyed being able to throw open the doors and windows and make as much saw dust as I could. It’s been profitable time spent. I finally have a counter top! Twenty feet of counter top!
I have also installed 20 of the 25 drawer fronts. I have been milling the drawer fronts out of some Leyland Cypress. The wood came from a farm just down the road from my place. I have a buddy that took out a bunch of Leyland Cypress trees about four years ago. We had a guy saw all the trees into lumber. The wood has dried nicely and when milled looks something like a cross between spruce and pine. It’s a little bit pale and knotty but I like the character that the knots add to the wood.
I’m going to put an “old school” finish on it. No stain, just a few coats of shellac. Most folks don’t use shellac these days. It takes a bit more effort and tends to darken over time. In this case however, I think the shellac will bring a warm amber color to the otherwise pale white coloring of the wood. It will enhance the knotty grain and texture of the wood nicely. As the finish ages and mellows in color it will tend to go nicely with the green upper cabinets. Listen to me, I sound like I’m getting cabinets ready for some cookie-cutter home in an upscale subdivision rather than my shop… And once again, I painted them green because that was the only paint I had laying around my shop that weekend!
