About Me

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Watkinsville, Georgia, United States
We lost my beautiful wife of 20 years on 9/12/07. Lisa was my world she was my everything and now she is gone. We are learning to live without Lisa now. I say we because I am not alone. My children are stuck in this mess with me. These are my notes, my vent, my way of letting you all know that we are doing well (some days). This is for myself, my friends and my family that want to know how we are doing and what we are up to. Along the way I hope this might also help someone else who has been dealt a similar hand.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Mr. Giggles

Okay, so I forgot that he needs notebooks, pens & pencils.  So back out we went today to finish up the back to school shopping.  I’ve only had to do this BTS a couple of times so give me a break.  Hopefully, I have not forgotten anything else…
You’re probably wondering about the picture… Like I say, the boy cracks me up and always had.  Matt’s always had an exceptionally witty sense of humor and he cracked his mother up more than anyone.  Very rarely did a family dinner go by with Matt doing or saying something that would make the whole family laugh.  I can still hear his mother laughing.  She had a wonderful laugh that came from somewhere deep within her.  It’s one of the things that I miss most about her.  Anyhow, last night was no exception and Matt was up to his usual antics.
The two of us were quietly sitting there having dinner.  It was nothing much, just some hotdogs, potato salad, fruit and chips.  I was zoned out and staring off into space.  I was thinking about something and was not even aware of what was happening around me.  All of a sudden I heard Matt giggle.  It was a muffled giggle, however.  It was strange enough to knock me out of my trance and get my attention.  When I looked up, this is what I saw.  Yes, those are grapes!  Nineteen of them to be exact!  There’s never a dull moment with Little Brother at the table.
The boys club gets busted up tonight.  Baby girl will be home from camp tonight.  She’s finished her job up at 4-H camp and is on her way home right now.  It’s been a solid year since we have had her at home on a fulltime basis.  I’ve enjoyed it being just the boys but am happy to have her home.  Yes, it will take a bit of getting used to having her here but we love her and will make it work.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Redneck Shopping

For me, shopping is probably one of the least desirable parts of being a single parent dad.  It’s a rare occasion when I enjoy shopping but I did yesterday. 
Little Brother has been pestering the tar out of me to take him over to Atlanta and visit the Bass Pro Shop.  So, I finally took a day off and we spent it shopping together.  The boy needed some new shoes, shorts and shirts anyhow.  The Bass Pro Shop is not far from the Mall of Georgia.  I decided we could kill two birds with one stone.  Since he likes clothes shopping about half as much as I do, I figured a promise to follow up clothes shopping with a visit to Bass Pro would work in my favor.  The kid will spend six hours shopping for rods, reels and lures but after thirty minuets or so looking for shoes or other clothing related items, he’s toast.
Considering the fact he wont even think about putting on a pair of jeans until almost December, new shorts are the order of the day when back-to-school shopping for Matt.  Things went pretty well with our trip to the mall.  We successfully acquired several pairs of shorts and the shoes he needed.  After a few hours I could see I was loosing him so we hit the food court for a quick bite and then made the short drive over to the Bass Pro Shop. 
The place sells everything from bait to luggage so I decided to see if I could persuade him to try on some shirts while he was there.  I also agreed to let him roam a bit on his own while I looked around for a few things for myself.  I gave him about thirty minutes and then went looking for him.  Surprisingly, when I found him, he had an armful of tee shirts and a couple of ball caps.  Other than one of them being the wrong size, he did pretty well.  So with that accomplished I released him to head over to the fishing gear.  While he salivated over fishing gear with glazed eyes, I found a bench and made a couple of phone calls.
On the ride back home we both agreed that the trip had been a successful one.  Matt said he was glad that we were able to get his back-to-school shopping out of the way.  However, he said, “you know you might be a redneck if you do your back-to-school shopping at the Bass Pro Shop!”  With a chuckle, I agreed…

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Brave Heart

Matt is home!!  

He made the seven hour trip back this morning and got home this afternoon.  He only had to stop and call me once due to being frustrated that his GPS was not taking him on the route he wanted.  I got him back on track with a quick visit to the MapQuest site.  Still, he was not very happy with his little GPS unit.  My nerves are a bit tattered due to undue worry but all is well.  It was difficult concentrating on work today knowing he was on the road by himself.  Like I tell the kids, I don’t worry about them, I worry about the other idiots on the road.  He was very proud of his accomplishment but was tired and happy to be home. 

In my life without Lisa, I still find it hard to let go and allow the kids to fly on their own.  This was one of those things that but I’m glad that I let him do it.  I still remember the first time I drove on an interstate.  I had to drive through Atlanta.  I held on to the steering wheel so hard that my knuckles were white and my hands were slick with sweat.  It was very unnerving and stressful.  I think he will always remember this drive, on this trip over this summer for a long time to come.

I gain a level of comfort knowing the kids are growing, maturing and developing the way she would have wanted them to.  Things are flying by so fast these days!  It’s hard to believe that Matt only has two years left in high school.  It seems like just yesterday he was still in middle school trying to stomach walking by his moms classroom knowing she was no longer there.  I still don’t know how he did it…  He's the bravest young man I know!

Sunday, July 11, 2010


It’s been a while since I have written anything for this venue.  I have been doing more private journaling and find it to be more helpful at times since I can write anything in my private journal.  There’s much that I don’t share here and probably never will.  So I keep some things locked away in my journal.  After all, believe it or not, I am actually a fairly private person…

Both the kids have been gone for the last couple of weeks and I have been, for the most part, alone with just the dogs.  Of course, with Anna (my big Bernie’s) spending almost every waking hour rolling around under the deck, it’s really just me and Ally (Lisa’s little Yorkshire).  Except for dinner with a few close friends it’s been pretty quiet.  I have grown to appreciate the quiet and actually look forward to it now.  That’s a far cry from where I was two years ago!

Someone asked me earlier this week if I still miss Lisa.  My answer was yes, without a doubt I still miss her.  However, I no longer am deeply and painfully grieving.  I think that I have just recently move to the point that I just miss her very much rather than mourn her loss. The days of going to sleep and waking up with her constantly on my mind are less frequent now.  Seldom do I have tear filled days with that raw emotion that welled up from deep inside me.  Yes I still think about her more than you might imagine but not constantly day in and day out.  So, yes I still miss her and probably always will.

Matt will be driving himself back from Jacksonville tomorrow.  He did a great job following me down last weekend so I am confident that he will find his way home without incident.  I’m actually surprised that he has not called to ask if he can stay another week.  After all, where would you rather spend a week of your summer vacation?  Watkinsville or Jacksonville?  Hopefully her will roll out of the bed before noon since it’s a six hour drive. 

I no longer have two teenagers since yesterday was Abby’s 20th birthday.  We had a good weekend together and had some good talks.  I can see her changing before my eyes.  Trying hard to be an adult and move beyond childish ways.  It’s been good having her come home from camp on the weekends.  It’s giving us a chance to get used to her being back at home a little each week.  She will be home full time in just another couple of weeks.  I suppose we’ll see how that goes.  Matt and I will need a little time to get used to having her home and I’m sure she will need a bit of time getting used to being here her self.