Wow! That’s all I seem to find myself able to say on a regular basis here lately. Just wow…!
Why, you ask…? I’m not sure that I can answer that without writing a book but, you know me…, I’m going to try.
I suppose in large part it’s just due to the sheer wonder I find in life itself here of late. I wrote quite some time ago that, ever since I lost Lisa, I look at the world and almost everything in it with new eyes. Well, like everything else in my life this continues to change and develop as time marches by. These days I see much more joy in many more things. It’s like everything or everyone I come into contact with is an immeasurable blessing that brings me some sort of happiness. I just feel so content and EVERYTHING just seems to make me smile... It’s like I seem to have this permanent and indestructible smile on my face that does nothing but make me feel better. I also tend to think a lot of this giddiness is due to the fact I’m finally, once again, okay with ME. I’m finally, without reservation or doubt, comfortable in my own skin and happy with whom I am, where I am, how I am. That, my friends, is a truly a remarkable feeling…
Additionally, I’ve had an amazing past few weeks filled with some really great experiences. I just recently discovered yoga and am enjoying it even if I do find my instructor to be quite lame. I’ve spent an evening on the lake fishing with my son and a great group of men. I’ve reconnected with some old friends and even had the opportunity to reconnect with a great guy that I haven’t seen since high school. I’ve been inspired to step out of my comfort zone by seeing a younger friend step way out of hers. Heck, I did some clothes shopping over the weekend and actually enjoyed it! And you all know how much I’ve expressed my complete and utter dislike for any type of shopping! I’ve even had a date or two in the last few weeks. That’s right, get up off the floor; I said d-a-t-e… That’s all you’ll get on that however! Yep, it’s been an amazing past few weeks and I have literally felt as though I’m on top of the world.
In thinking about this feeling I tend to believe that the reason such simple things get me so jazzed up and filled with excitement is due to the fact that I’ve experienced the other end of the spectrum. I’ve been in the lowest of the valleys and endured the pure hell of becoming a widower that was madly in love with and connected to their spouse. That hell, I think, is what has made me see the kindness in a stranger’s eye and the overwhelming joy of seeing a smile on another person’s face. That hell, that I never allowed to totally break me or consume me completely, is what allows me to feel the overwhelming sensation of complete joy in life and love for others that I might not have felt before. I tend to find a great deal of irony in the fact that from such anguish can come something so amazing.
I’ve probably got YOU saying “wow” by now! Yeah that’s some pretty deep and heavy stuff I know... But that’s how I see it and this is my blog and I get to share as much or as little as I wish and this I felt compelled to share.
In closing, I have something I want to share with you. I came across this awesome song by Tim McMorris recently that I feel expresses just how I felt about Lisa. Every single time I play it that crazy big smile comes back on my face and I can think of nothing but her. I hope it makes YOU smile and if you knew her, I hope it makes you think of her too! Take a listen…