About Me

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Watkinsville, Georgia, United States
We lost my beautiful wife of 20 years on 9/12/07. Lisa was my world she was my everything and now she is gone. We are learning to live without Lisa now. I say we because I am not alone. My children are stuck in this mess with me. These are my notes, my vent, my way of letting you all know that we are doing well (some days). This is for myself, my friends and my family that want to know how we are doing and what we are up to. Along the way I hope this might also help someone else who has been dealt a similar hand.

Monday, July 18, 2011

My Direction?

Matt’s been gone for three weeks now and I have missed him something fierce.  I made the trip down this weekend and visited him at the VSU campus.  While talking to him I asked him if he was about ready to come home.  His answer was a resounding NO.  What the heck…!?!?  AND, he was emphatic about it and didn’t stutter when he said it.

It felt like a knife to the heart and just as I was about to take it personal, he elaborated on his answer.  He explained how he was ready to get out of Oconee county and start living a new life.  He is ready for a new place new people.  He explained that it was not about home or me but about just getting out of here in general.

I suppose that kind of woke me up to the fact that he would be leaving me soon.  Probably sooner than I would like but not soon enough for him.  It made me think about “what am I going to do with myself when he goes”.  It made me think about the fact I need to start thinking about myself a little bit more and doing things for myself more often.  Some of my friends also been nudging me in this direction and encouraging me start thinking along these lines.

I’m not complaining, I’m actually happy that this has struck me now rather than later.  I would hate to think that I would be standing there in the driveway as he drove off to school next year and then not know what to do.  So, now I just need to start figuring out what am I going to do.  Where am I going to go?  Who, if anyone, will I be with?  What will occupy my life and time?

These are not new thoughts.  I have thought about this many times before.  However, today, this time, it’s right around the corner.  It’s not years off in the future anymore.  It’s just a matter of months away.  It’s time to take a stand… I need to figure this all out and start taking some action that will prevent me from being one of those parents that constantly wines about how they miss their kids and how they never call and come home.  It’s time for me to get a life and let them take on and live theirs.

Easy to say, very easy to say…

1 comment:

  1. Wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but this is exactly my struggle. My kids are all adults now and they've been right there for me through this entire messy grief thing. But! It's time for them to resume living their lives. Me too. Wishing us success.