About Me

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Watkinsville, Georgia, United States
We lost my beautiful wife of 20 years on 9/12/07. Lisa was my world she was my everything and now she is gone. We are learning to live without Lisa now. I say we because I am not alone. My children are stuck in this mess with me. These are my notes, my vent, my way of letting you all know that we are doing well (some days). This is for myself, my friends and my family that want to know how we are doing and what we are up to. Along the way I hope this might also help someone else who has been dealt a similar hand.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Take #2

Here we go again…

Baby Girl began the process of moving out to her new apartment yesterday.

Abby has been looking forward to this for some time now.  In fact I’m pretty she’s been looking forward to this since about two days after she moved back home last summer.  Who could blame her however...  I know how tuff it is to move back home after you’ve been out on your own for a while.  Heck, I had to do the same thing once I finished college.  It’s been a learning and growing process for both of us though.  I think this time, however, she is better equipped and more prepared than she was last time.

I really don’t think having her home has been THAT difficult on either one of us when I think about it.  Half the time I was not even aware she was home.  Okay, half the time she WASN’T even home.  Regardless, I’m happy and proud for her.  She has the same streak of independence that her mother exhibited.   That independent streak is what drives her forward.  She wants to be independent and free.  She wants very much to know that she can exist on her own without need from anyone.  Anyone including her old dad… 

And, little does she realize we actually both share the same goals and objectives.  We’ve been working toward the same end, all be it possibly for differing reasons.  Because, as a dad, that’s what I’ve wanted for her all along…  That independence and ability to walk her own path, in her own way and in her own time.

Don’t tell her though…  If she realizes that she’s played right into my hand she may change her mind!

But if you do talk to her… Be sure to tell her that she’s always welcome home and that she can call her old dad for a shoulder to cry on anytime she needs it.

I’ll keep a light on for you Baby Girl.

Monday, July 18, 2011

My Direction?

Matt’s been gone for three weeks now and I have missed him something fierce.  I made the trip down this weekend and visited him at the VSU campus.  While talking to him I asked him if he was about ready to come home.  His answer was a resounding NO.  What the heck…!?!?  AND, he was emphatic about it and didn’t stutter when he said it.

It felt like a knife to the heart and just as I was about to take it personal, he elaborated on his answer.  He explained how he was ready to get out of Oconee county and start living a new life.  He is ready for a new place new people.  He explained that it was not about home or me but about just getting out of here in general.

I suppose that kind of woke me up to the fact that he would be leaving me soon.  Probably sooner than I would like but not soon enough for him.  It made me think about “what am I going to do with myself when he goes”.  It made me think about the fact I need to start thinking about myself a little bit more and doing things for myself more often.  Some of my friends also been nudging me in this direction and encouraging me start thinking along these lines.

I’m not complaining, I’m actually happy that this has struck me now rather than later.  I would hate to think that I would be standing there in the driveway as he drove off to school next year and then not know what to do.  So, now I just need to start figuring out what am I going to do.  Where am I going to go?  Who, if anyone, will I be with?  What will occupy my life and time?

These are not new thoughts.  I have thought about this many times before.  However, today, this time, it’s right around the corner.  It’s not years off in the future anymore.  It’s just a matter of months away.  It’s time to take a stand… I need to figure this all out and start taking some action that will prevent me from being one of those parents that constantly wines about how they miss their kids and how they never call and come home.  It’s time for me to get a life and let them take on and live theirs.

Easy to say, very easy to say…