About Me

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Watkinsville, Georgia, United States
We lost my beautiful wife of 20 years on 9/12/07. Lisa was my world she was my everything and now she is gone. We are learning to live without Lisa now. I say we because I am not alone. My children are stuck in this mess with me. These are my notes, my vent, my way of letting you all know that we are doing well (some days). This is for myself, my friends and my family that want to know how we are doing and what we are up to. Along the way I hope this might also help someone else who has been dealt a similar hand.

Friday, December 24, 2010

On The Dark Side

Up at five-thirty this morning, so much for sleeping in.  I was actually awake well before that but just lay there tossing and turning.  I suppose I tend to lie there and toss around for a while rather than get up and sit here alone.  

I woke up thinking about Lisa this morning, as I do most days.  What kept rolling around in my head was would she be happy with where we are or how we have done in her absence.  Would she like what she sees or would she be disappointed in our progress.  I’ve been somewhat preoccupied with this question of late.  In fact, I asked Matt this question recently.  I asked him if he thought mom would be happy with how we were doing.  You know what he said?  He said “I think what’s important is how do YOU think we are doing”.  Smart kid…

Tonight is Christmas Eve and I’m sure the next day or so will be bit thorny.  Tonight we have plans to spend the evening with friends.  Tomorrow Lisa’s folks are coming over to spend the day with us and share Christmas dinner.  My prayer is just that we can pick our way through the briars and find some joy in having each other and being together.

I detest that it seems we have to be somewhere other than at home for Christmas Eve.  Maybe one of these days we will feel like that’s the thing to do once again.  Maybe we can do that without it feeling like there is a big ole hole in the house.  Maybe one day…

Over the last couple of days I have been working on the last section of the garage.  This single bay is the dark side of the garage and needs a bit of work.  It’s unfinished and only has a couple of dingy old lights.  So far, I have installed a new window, put up a new wall and interior door and rewired the electrical.  I put up the new wall and door to have a separate clean storage area.  Our little farmhouse has very little storage space and we desperately need somewhere, other than the barn, to store stuff.  This room will be sealed off from the rest of the shop and I have no doubt will be filled up before we know it.

I suppose our life is kind of like the garage.  There is a small section that is dark, messy and unfinished but if you continue to the other side it's brightly lit, clean and tidy.  If we keep moving forward we WILL move into that brightly lit side and hopefully that dark side will one day not seem so dark and messy.

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