New Wheels For Baby Bear

Sometimes I look at others that are on this path.  Others that have suffered great loss and experienced what seems to be equal if not greater pain than myself.  I see them making great strides.  I seem them finding new love and reinventing themselves.  I see them moving forward, growing and overcoming.  Then I look within at myself.

I see how far I have come and how much better I feel.  While I am thankful for all the progress that I have made, I’m not satisfied.  I want more.  I want to get back to that point where I feel like my life is satisfying.  I’m not satisfied with just not feeling miserable.  I’m not satisfied with just getting by.  I want more than that.  

It seems, however, that from time to time I hit a wall and don’t see any progress.  I feel as though I have been at one of those walls for a while now. This is not the first wall that I have run into. I know it will pass.  So, I keep faith and keep breathing.  I keep putting one foot in front of the other and taking one day at a time.  The wall will crumble but I will not. 

Yesterday we picked up Matt’s new wheels.  He’s been driving the “granny car” for the past year.  The gold1998 Toyota Camry that his big sister cut her teeth on was a good starter car.  That old car has been banged around and beat up pretty well.  I promised him a year ago that we would find him something better once he had been driving for a while.  This week we found him a great little pickup truck just in time for his 17^th birthday.  He’s thrilled and grateful and when we got it home last night he must have just sat there in it for over an hour.

Tonight he’s hosting his annual birthday bash in the barn.  They are out there right now acting like idiots and playing video games.  They are well supplied with plenty of pizzas, sodas and snack cakes.  I’m just waiting to see who pukes first.