Clearing Ahead

The kids are back in school and we are all falling into our weekly routines.  Matt is finally getting himself out of the bed without me being his alarm clock and Abby is settling back into the grove of being back home.  Everyone is back on a normal daily schedule with classes and after school activities.  While many might think a normal routine like this is boring and dreary, I find comfort in it.  It gives me a “normal feeling” that I have deeply missed over the last few years.  I obtain a sense of tranquility quietly sitting here tapping on the keys of my laptop while the kids grind away at homework and school studies.

It will soon be my favorite time of year.  The leaves will soon start turning and the morning air will turn crisp and dryer.  I’ll shortly be finding excuses to get outside without being stifled by oppressive heat and humidity.  It will soon be cool enough to spend whole days out in the shop cutting, milling and sanding chunks of wood into something beautiful and useful.  Even with power tools running and the air filled with wood dust I tend to transcend into a hushed state of ease when I’m out there.  Even as I slide a piece of wood across the table saw with my fingers mere inches from a spinning saw blade I am at ease and without fear.       

Even with September approaching I feel more at peace than I have all year.  There is just something about being back in our routines that helps me calm down and relax to a larger degree.  In fact I’m not even dreading the approach of September like I have for the past couple of years.  Don’t get me wrong, I truly have learned to despise that day on the calendar and pray for it to pass quickly and without incident.  However, this year it feels different for some reason.  I suppose every year it tends to feel a little different… Maybe that’s just the passage of time…  The passage of healing time…

Still, I know better than to let my guard down.  One thing I have learned over the past three years is that every time I think I’m out of the woods, another forest seems to be standing there in front of me.  Nevertheless, with every thicket that I fight my way through I become stronger and more resolute.  I know that there will be another clearing ahead that will give me time to rest and recover before diving into yet another forest filled with dense underbrush.  It’s in those clearings, I have a chance to clear my head and regain my energy. 

    

Summer Vacation

I continue to be haunted by my love for Lisa.

You see we just got back from our annual visit to the Ritz Carlton on Amelia Island.  It was, as always, a wonderful place to get away and be treated special.  I did pretty well for the most part.  However, it was difficult to see all the happy couples walking throughout the hotel holding hands, smiling and enjoying their children.

I just cant help but think, “that was us” when I see them.  It reminds me of what I have lost.  It makes me mad that I don’t still have that.  We just had so many good times there.  It was always fun and relaxing.  It’s not so much fun when your at the pool with an empty chair next to you.  On one hand, I think that it would be good to find a new place to go and do something different.  On the other hand, we have many good memories of time spent there.  I even discussed the possibility of finding a new destination with the kids and they didn’t even want to think about it.

All that said we had a pretty good time.  My brother and his family even came to the hotel for one night.  That helped break things up a little bit.  It was nice to have them with us for a while.  To mix things up even more, I let Matt bring a buddy this year instead of Abby bringing someone.

Of course, Matt’s first choice was his buddy William.  They get along great and I don’t think that they have ever had a cross word with one another.  They are easy to please and have gotten to the point were they really don’t need constant supervision.  Well they might need a little supervision considering they each showed up at the pool one afternoon with a tattoo sticker on their lower back. I’m not sure where they got the stickers but we all got a pretty good laugh out of their antics.

A trip to the beach is always a wonderful treat but it’s always great to be back home.  I’m going to think long and hard about finding a new place to spend our summer vacation.  I’m leaning toward trying something new and making some new traditions and memories.  I think that might be a healthy choice and enable me to continue to move forward in my life without Lisa.