Thanksgiving was the first holiday that we had to endure after we lost Lisa that September.
I was still in shock and lost. Grappling with a mountain of anxiety and fear, the last thing I needed was the stress of the holidays.
I decided that we needed to get away. I may have been running away but it was the only way I could deal with the holiday. I didn’t want to stay home or go to her folks or my folks place. I needed somewhere I could hide. I needed somewhere new with no memories. My Brother was headed to Savannah to his In-Laws and secured us an invitation to join them.
The drive to Savannah was horrible and I literally almost had a nervous breakdown in the process. Taking our first family trip to an unfamiliar place on unfamiliar roads was just about enough to push me over the edge. Just about the time I was about to fall apart we made it.
And that’s kind of how things have gone over the last three years. Just about time I don’t think I’m going to make it, I do…
I wouldn’t say that the holidays have gotten any better but I will admit that they have gotten a little easier. I still loath holidays but I do find the fortitude to endure them a bit more.
That first year we were in Savannah and last year we stayed home but spent the day with some very dear friends. This year we spent Thanksgiving with my folks in Alabama or as the kids like to call it “opossum hollow”. While I love my family, these get-togethers still drag me down. I tend to feel like an oddity and a third wheel when we all get together.
We’re back home today and there’s work to be done. Matt and I will head out this morning to find a tree. I think this year I’m going to let Matt run the chain saw. As for me, I’m going to put a smile on my face and try to hide the fact that I’d rather burn the tree than decorate it…