One of the things that I’ve really tried to get across to my kids is that we can’t blame any of our problems on Mom. We can’t use her death as an excuse to fail at something or blame loosing her for our own failures or mistakes. In other words, if you screw up you just screwed up, end of story. We also make our own destiny and what we decide for our futures is up to us.
Granted, God has a plan and we don’t know what that plan is but he still gives us the free will to make a future or curl up in a ball and cry woe is me… Yeah, I know that’s all easy to say but a little harder to do. In fact, I’m pretty bad at following my own wonderful advise. However, I do try.
Matt being accepted to GHP and the news that he will be gone for most of the summer has made me once again start thinking about the future. I once again see our lives changing and all three of us moving toward a yet another chapter in our lives. I continue to remain positive and look forward to these changes. I continue to feel myself healing and getting stronger again.
I still don’t know where life is taking me. I still don’t have a master plan. I do know that I am moving forward. I do know that I want a life beyond yesterday. A new life that will once again be filled with comfort, joy and love. There is much I miss with my old life but I think that’s what I miss the most.
We spent our last morning of fishing on the most beautiful stretch of river I have ever been on. The stream was narrow, only about thirty feet wide in most spots. However, it had many deep holes with soft rapids and plenty of fish. The river was dappled with sunlight from over hanging branches of flowering dogwoods, hickory and oaks. When I was finished and worked my way back up the stream I found Matt asleep on the bank sunning himself like a lizard. I guess he had his fill of fresh air and fishing. I couldn’t think of a better place to fall asleep…
We’re back home and Matt took off early today for a morning of turkey hunting with our buddy JC. Hopefully he won’t fall asleep with a loaded gun in his lap. As for me, I have chores to catch up on and I’m not getting them done here at my laptop.