About Me

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Watkinsville, Georgia, United States
We lost my beautiful wife of 20 years on 9/12/07. Lisa was my world she was my everything and now she is gone. We are learning to live without Lisa now. I say we because I am not alone. My children are stuck in this mess with me. These are my notes, my vent, my way of letting you all know that we are doing well (some days). This is for myself, my friends and my family that want to know how we are doing and what we are up to. Along the way I hope this might also help someone else who has been dealt a similar hand.

Friday, August 7, 2009

All Alone

Living without Lisa has brought us many changes and challenges. I sometimes have to remind myself that it has impacted the kids just as much as me, if not even more. Last night I got a reminder. Matt was upset and fighting back tears. I actually got him to talk a bit last night. He told me that he is just feeling so alone. He said that he gets up alone, comes home alone and none of his friends have the same lunch period as he does. He went on to say that he doesn’t have any of his friends in two of his four classes. Additionally, this year he is driving himself to school instead of riding with our friend Sandra and Abby is moving out this weekend. He said that he just feels so alone and feels like everything keeps changing. That’s all he kept saying.

I hurts me to the core… I wish that I could be there for him every morning and evening when he gets home. I do what I can but short of quitting my job, I can’t be there all the time. Of course, I tried to reassure him that he was never alone, not really. I assured him that his Sister and I are just a phone call away but I know that does not make him feel any better. My, things could be a lot worse outlook, does not work for Matt. He tends to look at what he doesn’t have rather than what he does have. Heck, what teenager doesn’t. I promised him that we would work on some things that would allow him to not be alone in the afternoons so much. I told him that once school got going and everyone started getting into a grove with their schedules things would get better. I assured him that he would not have to come straight home from school every day. We talked about him going to Abby’s apartment some days and also he could stop occasionally and visit with his friends after school. I reminded him that his after school activities would be gearing up soon and he would have a full schedule before he knew it. All this seemed to help just a little but did not give him the comfort that I wished for him. I just hate to see him hurting so much… It did not help that I had to work today and could not spend the first Friday morning of the school year with him. I think I will see if Abby and I can drop by the school for lunch. That might pick him up a bit!

I have finished issuing layoff notice to all our effected employees. They were so very gracious. I can’t tell you how many of them asked how I was holding up. Isn’t that a something… Here I am telling them they don’t have a job anymore and they are worried about me. That’s the kind of thing that reminds you there are good people out there.

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