About Me

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Watkinsville, Georgia, United States
We lost my beautiful wife of 20 years on 9/12/07. Lisa was my world she was my everything and now she is gone. We are learning to live without Lisa now. I say we because I am not alone. My children are stuck in this mess with me. These are my notes, my vent, my way of letting you all know that we are doing well (some days). This is for myself, my friends and my family that want to know how we are doing and what we are up to. Along the way I hope this might also help someone else who has been dealt a similar hand.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Is "eventually" Here Yet?

I woke this morning to see that the sample paint color that I put on the wall of our now empty bedroom was not what I wanted it to be. Or was it... Heck I don't have a clue.

I have spoken about this several times in the past. One of the things that stumps me is my ability to make decisions without Lisa. I find that I don't know what to do when it comes to making simple life decisions. Things like what color to paint the wall, throw me into a tail spin and I suddenly find myself walking around in circles and not knowing what to do. Such is the case this morning. I have been going in circles ever since I got up and accomplished zilch. Why do I find the need to get input from others? Why can't I just make a simple decision and move forward with somethings.

I finally decided that I would just go get the paper and read it. I did what I rarely do and read my horoscope. It said " Even if you start out slightly intimidated by the challenges facing you, you'll eventually get your sea legs and fearlessly take on whatever complicated problems beckon".


Just what I want, to be able to fearlessly take on whatever complicated problem beckons me. What about all this simple crap that confounds me and let's not forget it said "eventually". Just exactly when is "eventually"?

Oh how I miss having her input. There is nothing I would like more than for her to be standing here to tell me that this light shade of blue is an idiotic color and that she has the perfect color picked out for me to slap on the wall regardless of my opinion. I keep telling my self to man up and just go for it. Make a decision and stick with it. If I am happy with it, thats all that matters. Sounds simple enough but I have a terrible time putting that into action.

I suppose the best thing to do is start from scratch go to Lowes and spend a couple minutes looking at paint samples. Or maybe just walk around in circles till some kind stranger walks up to me and tells me what color to go with.

Maybe I should just go back to bed, I don't know because I can't make a decision on that either!

Maybe if I just close the door to that little empty room for a few days a little fairy will come and do everything for me. Choose the paint color, bed type and color, bedding color, window covering the whole enchilada. Thats what Im going to do. Just shut the door and keep my fingers crossed.

If it were only that simple...

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