About Me

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Watkinsville, Georgia, United States
We lost my beautiful wife of 20 years on 9/12/07. Lisa was my world she was my everything and now she is gone. We are learning to live without Lisa now. I say we because I am not alone. My children are stuck in this mess with me. These are my notes, my vent, my way of letting you all know that we are doing well (some days). This is for myself, my friends and my family that want to know how we are doing and what we are up to. Along the way I hope this might also help someone else who has been dealt a similar hand.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Missing Momma

It was a bitter-sweet weekend. We moved Abby out to her first apartment this weekend. As I have already mentioned, we were both ready. Actually we have been ready for some time now. She has been thirsting for the independent freedom of being on her own and I have been anxious for her to taste that independence. Of course, she is still somewhat oblivious to the fact that independence is a double edged sword. She is figuring it out pretty fast however.

The one regret I have is that her mother was not there to see her move on and to help her set up her first place. We took the last load over yesterday evening. After huffing a couple of big chairs up the stairs, Matt and I sat and relaxed as Abby continued to unpack and place doodads throughout her new home. I could not help but sit there and think about how much fun it would have been for Lisa and Abby to be doing it together. It made me so sad that Lisa was not there at Abby’s side during this time. Lisa has missed some of the biggest milestones our daughters life these last two years. Homecoming Queen, graduation, the start of college, baptism and now her first apartment. It’s kind of like Lisa did all the work and now is missing out on all the payoff. On the other side of the coin, Abby does not get to share these things with the most important and influential person in her life, her mom. I know the events will continue to come and go without having mom there. She will not see her get married and she will not be there for the birth of Abby’s children. It is so sad that she is not here with us. We miss her deeply and the void that she left in our lives was large this weekend.

Now I have my attention turned back to Matt. He seems to be doing a bit better but I am worried about him. When I called the house yesterday morning he sounded so down. I was so worried about him that I sat at my desk in tears. I felt so helpless and unable to do anything. I wish that I could just find some way to be there for him in the morning and give him a hug as he leaves for school. I have no option however. I am stuck. I can’t just quit my job and stay at home. The bills have to be paid and food put on the table. For now all I can do is be strong for him and reassure him that I am here for him. I am hoping this is just the start-of-school blues and nothing more. I think his sister moving out also has something to do with it. He is a great kid with a tender heart. After a lifetime of stability, he has seen things in his life change dramatically over the past two years. We left his childhood home and neighborhood to move to the farm, he lost his mother, started high school and now Abby has moved out. These are big changes for anyone, much less a tenderhearted teenage boy. I pray, that with the new school year and things getting back to a normal day to day routine, he will find his stride and feel comfortable once again. I will, for now, remain vigilant and keep a close watch on him.

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