About Me

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Watkinsville, Georgia, United States
We lost my beautiful wife of 20 years on 9/12/07. Lisa was my world she was my everything and now she is gone. We are learning to live without Lisa now. I say we because I am not alone. My children are stuck in this mess with me. These are my notes, my vent, my way of letting you all know that we are doing well (some days). This is for myself, my friends and my family that want to know how we are doing and what we are up to. Along the way I hope this might also help someone else who has been dealt a similar hand.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Am I Rambling

I suppose the toughest thing about this whole process that we are going through is the mental challenge. The mind is a powerful thing. It can be my biggest adversary and my most valuable ally. Those of you who are regular readers know that these quiet mornings alone are some of my hardest times. It is during this time that I must wage that mental war against letting my mind take me to places that are not healthy. No, I'm not talking about anything as dark as the S word. I'm talking about basic stuff like being alone. It's not healthy for me to fixate on that sort of thing as it leads me to become depressed and unappreciative of what I do have. Like I tell Matt, we have to focus on what we do have and not what we don't have. Again, the mind is powerful and getting it to work for you rather than against you can be a difficult chore.

Faith, family and friends have been the most important things that have helped me continue to win battles in this ongoing war. You can't have enough of any of the three if you are going to win the war. These three things are what help me continue to keep my mind working for me rather than against me. I have told a number of people that I find grief to be a very powerful and addictive drug. It can drag you into places that you would have never thought you would go. Grief can make your mind work against you in more ways than you could ever imagine.

So this morning I chose to have my mind work for me rather than against me. As I found myself walking, yet again, in circles this morning, I realized that I have to get back to some old habits. I need to get back to my lists. I have gotten away from making lists. To Do, Shopping, Meal and Project lists keep me focused. They keep it right there in front of me and help me prioritize my days and keep me productive. They take the thinking out of the process a bit and help me make descitions that I need to make. When we moved here to the farm one of the first things that Lisa and I agreed to do was remove the hideous wall paper in the kitchen. One day Lisa was making a list and could not find a pad of paper. I told her to just write it on the wall. She did and it is still there with almost nothing completed. More folks have laughed about that list than I can count. I love that list...

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