Some may find this odd or even callus, however, it’s how I am dealing with things. I feel that, in order for me to continue to heal and get on with my life, I need to cleans myself of a lot of things. I am simply talking about material possessions and that’s all. You see, there are still a couple pockets of Lisa’s things that I have, as of this point, not been strong enough to let go of. One particular area is her side of the bathroom vanity. It’s contents include things like her lipstick, hair brush, barrettes and other such items. I’m sure you get the picture. The thing is I can smell her every time I open one of those drawers on her side of the vanity. I smell her perfume, makeup and hair spray and it reminds me of her. Sometimes this is good but sometimes it is not.
Often it’s the little things that mean the most and hurt the worst. Take for instance my tooth brush. I have a little contraption on the bathroom sink that holds my tooth brush. It took me a long time to get used to seeing just one toothbrush in that little apparatus. It was, for the longest time, a constant reminder of my loss and that I was alone. I have over time gotten used to seeing just one toothbrush on the sink and it doesn’t stir emotions like it used to.
I suppose I worry about going too far with all this cleansing. After all, it’s not like I want to erase her from memory and pretend she never existed. However, that’s what I feel like I might be doing if I let all these simple material possessions go away.
While I have found a home for most everything else, the perfume, hairspray, makeup and such are still there in the drawer. I will, at least for now, let them remain there and every now and then open that drawer to fill my nostrils with what I consider to be the most wonderful aroma in the world.