Here lately, I suppose the overwhelming question that I have is the same question that I have had for many years. That is, what is God’s plan for me. It is easy to see in hind sight what his plan has been for me. I just never seem to know what is to come or what he wants of me next. That is what is gnawing at me now. Some people just seem to know what their path is and what God wants of them. I know several people that KNOW they have been called on by God to do something. I don’t ever seem to know what my path is until I’m already on it.
I suppose I am not much different from most other folks except all my plans have been destroyed and I don’t know what I am going to do now. What I mean is that we had a long term plan. We knew, at least we thought we knew, what we wanted to do and where we wanted to be long term. I was going to start a new career and Lisa was going to continue to teach until she was ready to retire. We were going to make the farm house what we wanted and enjoy traveling, each other and maybe one day be involved and loving grandparents. All that changed in a blink of an eye. So what now? I barely know what I am going to do next week, much less what I will be doing five years from now. That’s not how it’s supposed to be. I’m a private sector corporate guy. I’m always supposed to know what my five year and ten year plan is. We corporate types have been trained to think like that so it is very engrained in us that we need to have this plan.
That’s my struggle… What do I do now? Do I continue my work on the farm house? Do I remain single and alone? Do I dare to leave corporate life for something else? What if by some miracle I do find someone special? Will my plans change again? Maybe I should not ask these questions. Maybe I should not try to make any plans. Maybe all that corporate brainwashing for the need of a plan is crap. Maybe I should just live one day at a time and let what will be, be. Maybe I should just wait it out, wait God out and hope, hope, hope that he will show me my new path.
My prayers have been changing… Instead of begging God to get me through the next day I have been thanking him for doing so. Now they are changing again to asking God what he wants of me. I am begging God to show me what he wants me to do next and where he wants me to be.
I sure wish God had an I-Phone…
- Chris Anderson
- Watkinsville, Georgia, United States
- We lost my beautiful wife of 20 years on 9/12/07. Lisa was my world she was my everything and now she is gone. We are learning to live without Lisa now. I say we because I am not alone. My children are stuck in this mess with me. These are my notes, my vent, my way of letting you all know that we are doing well (some days). This is for myself, my friends and my family that want to know how we are doing and what we are up to. Along the way I hope this might also help someone else who has been dealt a similar hand.