About Me

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Watkinsville, Georgia, United States
We lost my beautiful wife of 20 years on 9/12/07. Lisa was my world she was my everything and now she is gone. We are learning to live without Lisa now. I say we because I am not alone. My children are stuck in this mess with me. These are my notes, my vent, my way of letting you all know that we are doing well (some days). This is for myself, my friends and my family that want to know how we are doing and what we are up to. Along the way I hope this might also help someone else who has been dealt a similar hand.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Shop Weekend

It's been a decent weekend. The air has been cool and crisp just the way I like it. It's not too hot and not too cold. It's my favorite time of year.

I worked almost all weekend in my shop trying to finishing up the drywall, electirical, painting and installing a stationary postition for my radial arm saw. One more weekend of dry wall work and I should be able to wrap it up. This job has been so long and drawn out that I don't even remember when I started it. It will be good to get it finished so that I can move on to making the cabinets and countertops. I recently secured some used cabinets from a friend who is remodeling a kitchen. I was able to reclaim the old upper cabinets to go into the shop. They are not exactly what I would have wanted but they will save me a ton of time, labor and money. Besides, if I don't like them I can just take them back down and build my own. I was able to get them cut up into usable sections and tossed what I can't use. I am excited to see my shop starting to take shape and very much look forward to being able to work in it without having to drag machines around.

It has been a bit of a tough weekend emotionally at night. Matt was out on dates both Friday and Saturday night leaving me home alone. I really don't mind being alone some but I hate eating alone. I don't know why I hate eating alone so much but I truly do. I suppose I should have planned ahead and made some plans with friends but I just was not thinking about it. By the time I thought about it, all my friends had plans. I found myself feeling very much alone Friday and Saturday night as a result. I need to start facing the fact that I am going to be alone full time before long.

I suppose I have been so busy making sure that the kids are taken care of that I have forgotten about my self. I reckon I had better start thinking about the long term for myself. I don't really know how to do that, however. The thought of "dating" still turns my mind to mush.

Both the kids slept in this morning so I attended church on my own. I found myself thinking of Lisa so much that I was moved to tears. When this happens I try very hard not to draw attention to myself. I don't dare even wipe my face for fear that I will draw unwanted attention. There was a song with lyrics that say that God is all I need and he is enough for me. As much as I try to believe that, I can't help but stand there thinking that he is not. I can't help but stand there with tears running down my face thinking that she was all I needed and she was enough for me. I found it so hard to say those words with any conviction this morning. I found myself missing her so very much. Once again I am reminded that some days are just plain harder than others.

So for now, I am looking forward to a short three day work week and then five days off. I need to get Matt's attention long enough to finalize our plans for the coming long weekend. We have discussed everything from skydiving near Atlanta to the big state fair down in Perry. It should be a good weekend together but we need to get the plans nailed down. Maybe if he is not too busy with yet another date tonight we can do it this evening.

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