About Me

My photo
Watkinsville, Georgia, United States
We lost my beautiful wife of 20 years on 9/12/07. Lisa was my world she was my everything and now she is gone. We are learning to live without Lisa now. I say we because I am not alone. My children are stuck in this mess with me. These are my notes, my vent, my way of letting you all know that we are doing well (some days). This is for myself, my friends and my family that want to know how we are doing and what we are up to. Along the way I hope this might also help someone else who has been dealt a similar hand.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Don't Stop

The best advice I can give anyone who has lost a loved one is to get moving and keep moving. My Pastor Tony always says, if you are going through hell, DON’T STOP!

So, I say keep moving. Get up and do what you need to do. Grab hold of what is left of your life and don’t stop. Try to get back to a normal or as normal as possible routine. Go to school, go to work do whatever it was that you were doing when your world came crashing in on you. I have found that grief is a very strong drug. It is one of those drugs that you become addicted to all to easily. It would have been easy for me to just curl up in a ball and forget that I had any obligations or responsibilities. I have never been one to take the easy road, however. This has proved to be the best thing for me to do. I must say, however, that if the kids had not been with me things might have taken a different turn. The kids are what forced me to get out of bed every day. The kids are what made me eat and breath. If I had not had the kids I don’t know what would have happened. I have heard stories of spouses grieving so badly that they soon followed the deseeded spouse. I now know how this could be possible.

If you allow it, grief can be debilitating. It can scar you for life. It has scared me. I am not the same man I was a year and a half ago. I now know that I will never be the same. I am finally starting to come to grips with this. It has taken me a long time to finally start understanding that things have permanently changed. I am finally starting to feel a little bit more comfortable in my skin. I am starting to finally understand that I am going to survive this mess. I am finally starting to understand how traumatized I was. I am just now starting to feel like some sort of healing process is actually taking place. Instead of praying to get through the next hour, day or week, I am working through the months. It was truly hour to hour for me for a long time. So, for me to be at the point of making it through the month, it is a great accomplishment.

I don’t know if anyone other than Lisa will ever actually know the depth of my love for her. I don’t think I even realized just how much I loved her until I lost her. We were truly devoted to and enchanted with each other. I loved her so much it troubles me to put it into words. I was truly smitten. I would have given my very life for her.

No comments:

Post a Comment