About Me

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Watkinsville, Georgia, United States
We lost my beautiful wife of 20 years on 9/12/07. Lisa was my world she was my everything and now she is gone. We are learning to live without Lisa now. I say we because I am not alone. My children are stuck in this mess with me. These are my notes, my vent, my way of letting you all know that we are doing well (some days). This is for myself, my friends and my family that want to know how we are doing and what we are up to. Along the way I hope this might also help someone else who has been dealt a similar hand.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Get Help

My blog is titled Life Without Lisa and subtitled With A Little Help From My Friends. That’s actually not very accurate. I have gotten a tremendous amount of help from my friends and family. I could not have survived without the help of many. If you are going to get through something like this, you must learn quickly to call on your friends for help.

It all started the night I got home from the hospital. There was a whole house full of folks watching over the children and waiting for me to get home. In the following days the house was full of people at all times. So many did so much during those first days I could not begin to recall it all. Not to mention that those days are quite blurry and painful to the degree that I cannot yet talk about them in much depth.

When we started getting back to our schedules and family returned to home towns it did not end. Ed came over that first week almost every day at lunch just to check on me and make sure I was eating. Sandra called most every night, Mark called most every morning. Sable and Josh ate dinner with us at least twice a week. Sable took Matt to and from school almost every day and Amanda jumped in and helped whenever I called her. Jen called on the weekends and I called her and others when I needed to. Jamie e-mailed back and forth with me during the day and the school counselors, Mike & Leah, did more counseling on me then they did on the kids. Marie stood guard over Abby during the school day. The food and gift cards just poured in. We had dinner brought to us for at least the first month. Diane and Vida planned and executed the graduation party for Abby, Ted & Linda and Jimmy & Margaret and Roy & Diane and Keith & Becky had us for dinner more times than I can count. Roy and Diane still feed us at least once or twice a month. Pastor Tony was able to join me for several Friday lunches or breakfasts. The folks at church have loved on us and continue to do so.

While we have learned to do all the things that Lisa did for us before, our friends continue to support and help us. Sandra takes Matt to school every day and brings him home on days he is not active with after school activities. I can still call Amanda for backup, she has never turned me down. Vida & Ted take turns with the orthodontist visits, Katie has helped get Matt to and from perfectly polished and Charlotte still sends cooked freezer meals home with Abby. Mom cleans and cooks whenever they come in town while Dad and I have tended to long put of jobs around the house and farm. Joey continues to send me e-mails and calls to keep me up with Matt’s busy 4H schedule and Henry helps with trips to Rock Eagle whenever I ask.

I am sure that I have failed to list someone important and wonderful but I know they will understand, as most of my friends know, I still struggle with my short term memory loss. I believe most know how eternally grateful I am. There is no way I can properly thank these individuals so I don’t even try anymore. I cannot even put into words how much it has meant to me.

My whole point here is to help others understand that they will need assistance. I have always been a very self sufficient person. Lisa and I never asked for help from anyone. Not from our parents not our siblings and not our friends. We always taken care of things our selves. When you suddenly lose a spouse that you love and depend on, your world is shaken to its core. Nothing, nothing is ever the same. I quickly understood that I had to call on others to keep my sanity and survive. You have to circle the wagons and call on people who love you. Call on their help and prayers. You can’t do it alone. They truly do want to help and you truly need the help when just getting out of the bed is a psychological triumph.

Lastly, don’t give up on God. Trust in him and draw closer to him. God has moved in my life over the past year in ways that I never expected. As I have told many, I am truly blessed.

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