About Me

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Watkinsville, Georgia, United States
We lost my beautiful wife of 20 years on 9/12/07. Lisa was my world she was my everything and now she is gone. We are learning to live without Lisa now. I say we because I am not alone. My children are stuck in this mess with me. These are my notes, my vent, my way of letting you all know that we are doing well (some days). This is for myself, my friends and my family that want to know how we are doing and what we are up to. Along the way I hope this might also help someone else who has been dealt a similar hand.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Beach Bound

The grass has been cut, all the laundry has been done, house has been cleaned, the truck has a full tank of gas, arraignments for the animals have been made, all I have left is to pack for myself. My anxiety has been peaking all day. I have had to make a concerted effort to keep it in check. All day long I have found myself having to work at it. My heart has felt like it wants to jump out of my chest. Now that I have almost everything taken care of it seems to be tapering off. I have been going strong since 7:00 this morning trying to get everything taken care of before we take off in the morning.

While I am very much looking forward to some pool time with the kids and eating something other than my cooking, I am nervous about my first family vacation without Lisa. Sure we took the cruise last summer but I was still numb and my brain was still mush at that time. I was just trying to get through each day at that point without a public melt down. I hope this trip will be an enjoyable one. I am keeping my expectation low and I am going to just try do enjoy the kids. While I do love my kids, I sure do miss regular daily adult interaction.

Historically, the first thing Lisa and I would do, upon arriving at the hotel, is sit in the lobby bar and have a tall gin and tonic. While we were never regular drinkers we always started our stay like this. We would let the kids take a run out to the pool and explore the hotel a bit while we enjoyed each others company and sipped a drink. Another part of that tradition was that I would enjoy a cigar. This is the only place that I smoked a stogie and Lisa actually enjoyed the smell of my singular cigar. I don't know too many women that like the smell of a good cigar but Lisa was one of them. I think I will grab one just for old times sake. Unfortunately I will have to enjoy it alone...

Have no fear I will be back soon. Too soon I am sure...

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