About Me

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Watkinsville, Georgia, United States
We lost my beautiful wife of 20 years on 9/12/07. Lisa was my world she was my everything and now she is gone. We are learning to live without Lisa now. I say we because I am not alone. My children are stuck in this mess with me. These are my notes, my vent, my way of letting you all know that we are doing well (some days). This is for myself, my friends and my family that want to know how we are doing and what we are up to. Along the way I hope this might also help someone else who has been dealt a similar hand.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

No Words

Sometimes there are just no words…  Last night was one of those times.

Abby was having a bad day and was not feeling very well so she called her dad.  I tried to be a good listener and offer a minimal amount of fatherly advice.  However, no matter how good a relationship we have I’m just not her mother.  Try as I may, I have no way to fill that void.  When she wants that motherly touch.  When she needs to talk to her mom and not just another woman.  I knew the words were coming when the tears started.  Those words that hurt to the core.  The words that I have no reply or comfort for.  The words that once again remind me how much it hurts her.

I miss mama – I wish she was here – I miss her so much.

These are the words that I can’t make go away.  The words that I struggle to reply to.  The words that cause me to be at a loss for a reply.  I feel so inadequate when those words are spoken.  I feel so helpless.  I struggle every time they are spoken.  All I can say is I know sweetheart I know.  I miss her too and I’m sorry she’s not here for you.  Unquestionably, inadequate words to say the least.   Sometimes there are just no words…

Today was a productive day.  I managed to get the dust bunnies rounded up along with knocking out a couple of loads of laundry before heading out to the shop.  My cabinets are coming along nicely.  I was able to get the rest of the drawer parts cut out and about half of the 25 drawers assembled.  The rest of them will have to wait until next weekend.  If my drawer slides don’t show up this week, I’ll once again be stalled.  Hopefully they will show up some time this week.

Several years ago I had a bunch of Leyland Cypress trees sawed up into lumber.  They came off a farm not far from here.  I’m going to use these for the cabinet faces and drawer fronts.  I will leave the wood its natural color with just a clear coat of polyurethane.  I can’t wait to see the final product.

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