- Chris Anderson
- Watkinsville, Georgia, United States
- We lost my beautiful wife of 20 years on 9/12/07. Lisa was my world she was my everything and now she is gone. We are learning to live without Lisa now. I say we because I am not alone. My children are stuck in this mess with me. These are my notes, my vent, my way of letting you all know that we are doing well (some days). This is for myself, my friends and my family that want to know how we are doing and what we are up to. Along the way I hope this might also help someone else who has been dealt a similar hand.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
How can I go from so high to so low?
I had such a good day yesterday and the morning started off well also. Shortly after I made my posting this morning. I decided to get busy. However, I once again found myself walking in circles trying to figure out what needed to be done. I could not make a decision on what to do next. I hate it when this happens. I get into this zone where I just want Lisa to tell me what she wants me to do. I cant make a decision about what to have for supper or how to spend my time. I feel bogged down and unable to get going on anything. Then I start missing her and wishing she was here to give me encouragement and that sense of being needed by someone. After 20 years of being married you don't do anything without talking to someone first. You don't even eat without checking in with that person first. You discuss purchases, chores, money, calendar events and even what time you might need to get up the next day. You talk about everything. I suppose that is part of the problem. I don't have that constant input anymore and after 20 years find myself unable to decide on my own. It sounds so easy but it is so hard. I am sure some might think that it would be a great position to be in. To be able to do what you want when you want without getting input from anyone. Not me, I miss her input and ability to take a position on something. Granted, she drove me up the wall at times. She would dig her heels in on some things to the point I was so mad at her I could spit nails. However, I loved her so much it did not matter. I would tuck my tail and do just what she wanted me to do. I would give just about anything to have that right now. I would love to have her pestering me right now. I would love to look up and see her standing there with her hands on her hips watching me do whatever it was she wanted done. I remember when we put the pool in at the Mallard house. Her and Diane were floating in the pool watching me toil in the heat and humidity building what would be the surrounding deck. She told Diane I was her pool boy. Oh pool boy, she would say, get me some ice tea. I loved being her pool boy.
Well, I finally got moving in one direction. I worked my way down to the barn to check on a feral cat that had taken up residence in the equipment shed. She had not moved much in a couple of days and did not look good. At closer examination, I found that she was just dragging her back legs behind her and it appeared her hips and/or back had been broken. I decided to put her out of her misery. We dug a hole close to the equipment shed and put her down. I hate to kill an animal for no reason. In this case the animal was just going too suffer to death. It had to be done.
A good day gone bad I suppose but like I tell the kids, it can always be worse.