About Me

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Watkinsville, Georgia, United States
We lost my beautiful wife of 20 years on 9/12/07. Lisa was my world she was my everything and now she is gone. We are learning to live without Lisa now. I say we because I am not alone. My children are stuck in this mess with me. These are my notes, my vent, my way of letting you all know that we are doing well (some days). This is for myself, my friends and my family that want to know how we are doing and what we are up to. Along the way I hope this might also help someone else who has been dealt a similar hand.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Understanding Helps

This process that I am working through has been a learn as you go process. There are tons of books out there that claim to be helpful with handling the loss of a loved one. The truth, I have found, is that it is kind of like raising children. Not everything that works for someone else works for you. I have found that grief affects everyone differently and no two situations are the same. Another truth that I have discovered is that grief is like a drug that you can easily become addicted to. It can consume your every waking moment and take control of your life if you let it. Don’t get me wrong, grieving must happen. I have experienced enough grief to last me a lifetime and I know as sure as the sun comes up I am not done. However, understanding this and having the presence of mind to work through it is helpful. You just can’t give into it. You cannot let grief set in and reside in your life full time and permanently. You have to get out of the bed and move forward. Of course, this is easier said than done.

Holidays seem to be the worst. Just when you think you have it beat along comes another holiday to remind you of your loss. It makes you think about your loved one and makes you miss them. Not that you don’t miss them every day but the holidays seem to amplify your thoughts and your loss. Next thing you know, you are upset or anxious without any explainable reason. It’s the grief coming back for a visit. It is usually on me before I realize it. These days I am trying to be more anticipative of it. Now that I understand my process, I think that I can manage it better and tend to overcome it faster. Of course, I might just be fooling myself. Since I have had this epiphany I have not had to contend with a holiday. Mothers day is just around the corner and I will see how it goes.

I know Mothers day is going to be a tough one for the kids. Abby won’t even watch television right now due to all the Mothers day commercials. Matt just tends to change the channel. I don’t blame them either. It is a constant reminder of Mom being gone. However, I know they are strong and they know I am here for them.

The holiday will pass and life will go on.

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